New Years Eve
by arualms
Summary: Ryan runs into someone unexpected on New Years Eve. Warning: Probably not for RyanMarissa shippers.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: own nothing, don't sue

AN 1: for scm36, who asked for drabbles. Don't know if this counts.

AN 2: They mightboth be out of character. I still need a beta to tell me when I'm of.

AN 3: I looked at my other fic and realized that I tend to write too much internal monologues and not enough dialog. I tried to do better this time. You´ll have to tell me if it worked.

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**New Years Eve**

He follows the stretch of the beach, trying to concentrate on the sound of the waves instead of the loud music coming from the party. He's not in the mood.

After the chrismukkah barmizvakkah – and just how did Seth come up with those names? - Anyway, after the party that was masked as being about him but really was all about Johnny, Kirsten had been so ecstatic about the fact that she still knew how to plan a party, she had decided to go ahead and plan a big New Year's Eve celebration. Which meant that right now, the Cohen home was hosting a Newpsie gathering of gigantic proportions. The fact that those people never got tired of celebrating themselves and their superiority was disturbing and calming at the same time. Some things never changed.

He had tried to join the festivities, not for fun but for Kirsten's sake, but the guest list had made it pretty much impossible to enjoy the party.

About sixty snobs who still considered him to be unworthy of being in their presence, unless he was getting paid to serve them food.

Sandy's new protégé Matt, who seemed to have no problem monopolizing his foster father's attention, even though the man was supposed to be co- hosting the party. Never mind that maybe he wanted to be with his wife on New Years Eve.

Summer was ok, but she and Seth were so busy planning their exodus to the East that it was impossible to get them involved into any conversation not concerning Brown.

Spending New Years Eve with Marissa might have been fun, but she was dead set on her perceived duty to entertain the resident wanna-be minni mart robber. Apparently the fact that he didn't really know anyone besides Marissa did _not_ mean that he might be better of at a party with _his_ friends, it meant that Marissa had to do everything she could to keep him entertained. After all, she was his _friend_ and she had invited him. He hadn't even bothered to protest.

And to top it all of, Kirsten was constantly talking to the woman who not long ago had believed to be absolutely justified to frame him for attempted murder.

Considering the saying that the way you started your new year was the way the whole year was going to be like, he really didn't want to wait for the countdown with those people.

He shoves away the thought that now he is going to start the new year alone, which isn't really what he wants the rest of the year to be like, either. If you consider the alternative, he chose the minor evil.

He plops down on the sand and takes a sip of his beer. Why the hell hadn't he bought the cigarettes at the mini mart? God knows he could use one.

"Hey man, what the hell are you doing down here?"

He turns around so fast; he almost falls over into the sand. "Luke? What…when did you come back to Newport?"

"Mom insisted that I should be here for at least part of winter break. You know, holidays and family values and all that…"

"Yeah. If your mom wants you to be with her, then what are you doing here?"

"She wanted us all to go to the big Cohen party. We only arrived a couple of minutes ago. But then I saw Mrs. Cooper and…"

"Didn't want totalk toher?"

"Not really. Why start the new year by torturing myself, right?"

"Definitely. I'm not really into the idea of having a party with her, either"

"I heard. I mean the Newport gossip mill does not always get everything right, but apparently Mr. Cohen gave Mr. Cooper a pretty impressive verbal strip down for allowing her to pull that stunt."

"Yeah?" He hadn't known that. Apparently the Cohen's hadn't forgiven her instantly after all. That was something.

"Yeah. Listen dude, you know I'm sorry, right?"

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything" It's not as if the Atwoods need help screwing up their lives.

"I know. I meant, I'm sorry all that crap happened to you. You didn't deserve that. Are you ok?"

He doesn't remember the last time someone asked him that. And it's nice to hear that someone thinks he didn't have it coming. Doesn't change the fact that he brought it on himself, but it's still nice to hear. Even if it's coming from someone he hasn't talked to in over a year.

"Ryan?"

Right, there had been a question. "Yes, I'm ok."

"You know you're a shitty liar, right?"

Is he really? Everyone else seems to fall for it, nowadays.

"Doesn't really matter. You need to look at this whole thing positively."

"And what am I supposed to see when I look at it positively?" Seth´s constant sarcasm is wearing of.

"Well, your life over the last years has been like a freaking soap opera, right? There is no stupid, dramaticplot twist that hasn't happened to either you or someone you know. So now that everything that could happen, has happened, thinks are bound to calm down."

He really wishes he could agree, but that's what he thought after Trey had taken of for God knows where, and stuff still kept happening. Apparently, Luke could see his scepticism on his face.

"You don't think so." It´s a statement, not a question.

"I did. But then Marissa found herself a new friend who thought that the correct way of paying for his knee surgery was to take gun and try to rob a mini mart, I had to stop him, and I realized that there is no guaranty that things don't happen twice."

"No one we know ever robbed a mini mart."

He debates not responding, but then he figures, why the hell not. It's not as if Luke is going to tell anyone.

"My dad did. That's why he's in jail. Armed robbery is taken pretty seriously, if you get caught"

"Damn, Ryan. Sorry, I didn't mean to…Is Marissa's new friend in jail now?"

"No. I kept him from doing it, so there was nothing to get arrested for."

"But at least he is no longer your problem, right? I mean, Marissa must have totally flipped when she found out."

"He's at the party. Marissa figures that he just needs help and understanding." He doesn´t sound nearly as bitter as he feels.

"You're kidding, right?"

He doesn´t say anything.

"Dude, that's sick! Why would she do that? He almost committed armed robbery!"

"I stole a car."

"You didn't have a gun."

There's not really much he can say to that, because he didn't. And yes, he thinks it makes a difference.

"Is he more than a friend?" Sometimes, Luke can be perceptive. It happenes so rarely that when it does, it shocks him a little.

"He wants to be. She says she isn't interested" Maybe talking about this with Luke isn´t such a bad idea. They have both been there before.

"Damn. I see why you said things were repeating themselves. She _does_ remember what happened with that jerk Oliver, right?" Seems as if Seth stayed in Portland long enough to teach Luke a thing or two about sarcasm, as well.

"She says it's different. There isn't really anything I can do about it. I'll just have to wait and see." Which is a lot easier said than done. Wait and see is pretty much the opposite of his usual approach. But he is tired of argueing.

"Why the hell did you keep him from robbing that store? You would have gotten rid of him."

He just glares at the other boy, partially because it is stupid to ask why he had to keep things from escalating and partially because he doesn't want to admit that the thought crossed his mind. Also, he really doesn't feel like explaining that he wants Marissa to choose him because she wants to and not for a lack of other options. Luke might ask why he allows her to jerk him around that way, and he isn't sure he would have an answer. The look seems to work, as Luke doesn't ask again.

"Well, I still say you have to look at things optimistically. Dude, really. Considering how much things have sucked so far, it can only go up from now on."

He still doesn't believe him, but it is nearly midnight and he decides that maybe the way he wants to spend the coming year is by being an optimist. He lifts his beer, clanks it against Luke's and both of them take a sip. He didn´t expect to spend New Years Eve with Luke, but it is better than being alone.

"There's no way it could get worse." Now he feels like scolding Luke for jinxing him, but that is something Seth would do, so he doesn't say anything and just takes another sip.

_Please, please review! I even promise to answer!_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: we all know I don't own them

AN: This was supposed to be a one- shot. Some people asked me to continue and- I guess I am rather easy to manipulate.

**New Years Eve- Pt.2**

He's sitting with his back to the pool house door, listening for the sound of gravel.

Luke said he wanted to come pick him up around six, claimed to be bored at home, but they both know he really just wants to be a good friend. He doesn't call the other boy on it, because he does actuallyappreciate it. Luke understands. It really _is_ like Oliver all over again, except that Johnny isn't crazy. Just stupid.

He hears the car arrive and gets up. There's no need to tell the Cohens where he's going. They're not here.

Sandy had to go, he is having lunch with Matt because there is something they need to discuss. He didn't ask what.

Kirsten is having an informal business meeting with Mrs. Cooper. Cooper- Nichol? If he saw right yesterday night, before he took of, she might be steering towards Cooper- Nichol- Summers. He wishes Summer and her dad good luck. Maybe someone should warn the guy. But then, according to Luke's report about the infamous Newport gossip mill, everyone in Newport knows about what she tried to do. They just don't care.

So far, he isn't doing a very good job at being optimistic.

"Hey man, you alright?" Luke hasn't even left the Jeep, just sits there looking at him, waiting for him to get in so they can leave. Things are easy with Luke.

"Fine." He lets himself fall down on the seat, buckles the seatbelt. "Let's go."

"Crab shack ok? I kind of miss it."

"Sure. I haven't been there in…I don't know when I was there the last time. Don't even know why we no longer go."

Luke doesn't say anything, just starts driving.

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They are sitting in a booth, waiting for their lobster.

"So, did you figure out what you are going to do?"

He doesn't know what Luke is talking about. At least, that's what he tells himself.

"Ryan, seriously. You know you'll have to do something, right? Marissa- she won't stop unless you ask her to."

"She knows I don't like him. She knows why. She knows that he wants to be more than friends. Still, she says he needs her to be there for him. There's nothing _I_ can do to change her mind." Why are they even talking about Marissa? Wasn't this supposed to be about nothing but hanging out, no problems, no deep thoughts?

"What about changing yours?"

What? "What?"

"Change _your_ mind. Show her you're not going to let her treat you like that."

"You're telling me to break up with her?" Funny, two years ago, maybe even one, he would have thought Luke was seeing this as an opportunity to get Marissa back. Now the other boy really doesn't seem to give a damn about her. Some things _do _change after all.

"Dude, she treats you like crap. Why hasn't Seth convinced you to kick her to the curb, yet? Isn't he supposed to be, like, your best friend?"

"You think my best friend should make me break up with my girlfriend?" He's not going to answer the other question. Seth is busy with Summer and getting mentally prepared for college. He's happy, and that's a good thing. And it's not as if he is the only one who could initiate Seth/ Ryan time. They are just both busy.

"If she treats you like that, then yes he should."

"Summer is Marissa's best friend." He doesn't really have to say anything else, they can both picture fairly well what Summer would do if she found out that Seth had told her best friend's boyfriend to brake up with her.

He concentrates on this, on arguing about what Seth should or shouldn't do, because it keeps him from thinking about what Luke really wanted him to listen to. He doesn't want to think about it. Luke is making far to much sense for his liking.

"Chino? Are you doing that thing where you just don't say anything and I'm supposed to drop it?"

No comment should be answer enough to that one. Unfortunately, he doesn't really believe it's going to work.

"I won't do that. I am right, and you know it. I mean, no matter how much you love her or …whatever, she shouldn't treat you like that. And you really need to grow some and tell her."

Getting mad at Luke wouldn't make sense. He's not wrong. But he isn't right, either.

"I can't just break up with her. Too much has happened." Luke should know that. He was the one who told him that every plot line had been done at least once.

"Yeah, well. Shit happens, right? I mean just ´cause everything was screwed up the last years, doesn't mean things have to stay that way. But if you don't do something, they will."

Luke makes it sound so easy. He tries to come up with the right answer, then one that might make him understand, but then the waitress brings their food-finally- and he stops thinking for a minute to admire the view. So does Luke. Apart from Mrs…from Marissa's mother, they seem to have the same taste.

Thewoman disappears behind the kitchen door and Luke turns back to him. "If you break up with her, you can find yourself someone better." Seems like staring at strange women's obvious assets isn't enough to make him forget about his personal agenda. It just helps him come up with another argument. "If Marissa spends as much time with the idiot as you say, and you guys are always fighting, it must have been forever since you got some"

There's no way in hell he'll say anything to that. If he doesn't want to _think_ about it, he certainly won't _talk_ about it.But in a way, Luke is right. The thought of someone else does have its merits.

"I get why you would want Marissa, I mean I dated her for pretty much forever, but that's why I know she isn't that great. And don't even think about hitting me, ´cause I'm not talking about _that_. What I mean is that she is not really special enough to go through so much shit just to keep her."

The fact that he doesn't even feel the need to defend his girlfriend against her exprobably goes a long way to prove Luke's point.

"Why are you staying with her? And I want areal answer this time. If I have to plax " Special Unit Cheer up Ryan", I deserve at least that much.

He doesn´t remind Luke that he didn´t ask to be cheered up. That´s not the point. Is he really going to have this discussion? With Luke? While eating lobster at the Crab Shack?

"Marissa was my first girlfriend." Yes, it seems like he is. "I had other girls before, but never a real relationship, you know? I…nothing went right, you know? First you -no offence-, then her drinking and shoplifting, then Oliver, then Theresa, then the shit with…her running away to Chino, thenthe ba…Theresa again." He's a little out of breath. It is a rather long list. He will not think about what he amost said. That´s not what this is about.

"I really don't get why that is a reason to _stay_ with her. More like a reason to _run_. Sounds far to exhausting for my taste." Luke interrupts his thought process before he can even start talking about what happened the following year. That's ok. It's not something he feels like repeating, even if it's just in his mind. Luke got the gist of it from others already. That's enough.

"What I mean is, we never got it right, something was always causing trouble. I want us to get it right." He needs to know that he is capable of that, needs to know that he can be in a relationship without causing it to self-destruct within weeks.

"Maybe that's not possible. Maybe things keep going wrong because _you two_ just _can't_ get it right."

He still isn't used to the thought of Luke as someone to get advice from. What happened to the jerk whose face he punched in this very restaurant?

"Are you telling me to just give up?" Because that is really the problem, isn't it? He doesn't want to give up. You fight, you survive. You give up, you die. Maybe no longer literally, but the principle still applies.

"Shit man, I don't know. Giving up on her is better than giving up on yourself, right?"

_as always, tell me what you think_


	3. Chapter 3

disclaimer: Still don´t own anything

AN: My first complete multi-chaptered fic. Review, you know you want to!

**New Year's Eve- Pt. 3**

They are driving back to the Cohens´ house. He tries to ignore the feeling of wet cotton sticking to his skin. When Luke had suggested to playing some soccer after lunch, he hadn't considered the fact that he had no change of clothes with him. And unfortunately it's to cold to just take the shirt off. Still, it had been felt good to play again, worth the discomfort of driving back all sweaty.

"I missed that."

He usually isn't the one to initiate a conversation but somehow, it's different with Luke. He's not exactly sure why.

"Soccer? Then why aren't you on the team anymore?"

"I got kicked out of school, remember?"

The list of things he would love to forget and yet feels a need to talk about with Luke seems to keep getting longer.

"They didn't let you join the team after you came back? That sucks!"

"No. I ah, I didn't ask to get on the team."

In retro perspective, trying to get on the team again might have been a good idea. Considering how relaxing the physical exhaustion he feels at the moment is, lots of sports could have made the past months a little easier. Or at least, he would have been able to fall asleep before three a.m.

Luke apparently doesn't want to simply drop the topic. "Why the hell not, man? You're good and I thought you liked it. That's what it looked like to me."

He doesn't meet Luke's questioning gaze, instead turns to look out of the window again. "With everything that's been going on, I didn't even think about it."

Seems like they are again steering back to what seems to be Luke's favourite topic these days. Marissa. Though to be fair, Luke probably didn't do it intentionally this time.

"Dude, that's just wrong. I mean I know she's a demanding girlfriend, but don't you want to have, I don't know, a life for yourself? I don't get it."

This whole topic would be easier to handle if he had a good explanation. Unfortunately, after their lunch, he is at a loss. Luke is right; he is giving up either way. And if there is one thing he dislikes more than people giving up on their friends and families, it's people giving up on themselves. Back in Chino, the obvious lack of care for him and Trey had hurt, but watching his mother self-destruct without so much as an attempt to somehow get better had been even worse.

Luke's comment that by staying with Marissa, he was giving up on himself had struck a cord, and although chasing after the ball had helped clearing his head at least for a little while, he still didn't really know what to do. Therefore, he doesn't really know what to say to Luke, who is watching him out of the corner of his eye while taking a turn to the left.

"Chino? You gonna say something?" Luke looks at him questioningly.

It'll probably take some more time for him to get used to the new, openly caring and concerned side of Luke. Not that it's a bad change, it's just so far from the Luke he is used to, even after they became friends, that he wonders what exactly happened in Portland to change him. Whatever it was, he knows some people who could use a similar change.

"Could we just drive?"

He needs to figure out for himself exactly what is holding him back before he can discuss it with Luke- or anyone else. The realisation that he is having relationship- talks with Luke almost makes him laugh out loud. It is just weird.

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The silence lasts for about five minutes, then he surprises himself by breaking it.

"I've never broken up with someone."

He's never had to do that; they always broke up with him first. Marissa, Theresa, Lindsay- it's one of the few things they all have in common.

"Well, maybe it's time that you learn how to do it." Luke is nice enough not to comment on the fact that all his girlfriends dumped him. Although he seems to be trying without a lot of success to hold back a grin, so he probably realises the teasing-potential.

"I'm not sure if …" He's not sure about anything. Not sure if he shouldn't try to salvage what is left of his relationship with Marissa, not sure if he is able to knowingly hurt some that he (still, despite everything) cares about, not sure if she will be stable enough to handle it or if it is going to make her fall apart. She might not spend a lot of time with him, but she trusts that he'll be there for her. He knows what it is like to loose your feeling of security. But he also isn't sure how much more he can take, isn't sure if he'll be able to accept that he is constantly reduced to an afterthought by her. He isn't sure if he wants to.

"The whole situation just sucks. If I really broke up with her, everything would change."

"That's the point, isn't it? Things would change; you wouldn't have to be her backup in her "save Johnny" missions anymore. You could find yourself a girlfriend who doesn't treat you like crap."

His voice barely has an infliction, just calm reasoning. Portland was definitely good for Luke.

"It's not just about me. Or even me and Marissa. She's Summer's best friend, it's always Seth, Summer, Marissa and me."

Luke interrupts him. „And now Johnny? I mean if he isn't there in person, then he's all you're talking about, right?"

He maybe shouldn't have told Luke that, then he wouldn't have so much ammunition now.

"If I broke up with her, the four of us wouldn't be able to all hang out with each other any more. Seth would flip; you should have seen what he was like last year when he wanted everything to go back to the way it was. It´s like he's allergic to change. Not to mention that Summer might kill me."

"Dude, first you don't want to end it because you think it would mean giving up, now you're using Seth and Summer as an excuse? I mean, Cohen is your best friend. He would understand, at least he should. And didn't you say Summer was worried about Marissa always hanging out with Johnny? She'd probably understand, too. Plus, not to ruin your delusions or anything like that, but if Seth and Summer take of to the other side of the continent after graduation, it won't be the four of you anymore, no matter if you guys broke up or not, right?"

"And Marissa and me both applied to Berkeley. You got any idea what she would do if we both got accepted and then I broke up with her?" It's not a scenario that he wants to imagine.

"Berkeley? And you think you'll both get in?"

"I know I'm not the ideal candidate, with my record and everything, but we met with this friend of Sandy…"

"Actually, I was talking about Marissa. I mean, she used to be pretty good at school, but she kind of slacked last year, didn't she? And now she got kicked out of school. No matter if that was fair, Berkeley might not like it."

He had never thought about that. While he was less than confident about his own chances due to his record and had applied mainly because of Sandy, he never questioned Marissa's acceptance. She was from Newport, she went to private school (until this semester), she would get accepted. Funny, how the way the Newpsies took some things for granted had rubbed of on him. He still didn't think that way about himself, but he had accepted that Newpsies and Newpsie-kids got what they wanted.

"We never talked about where else we would go. I mean, I applied to other colleges, but I don't know if she did."

"You didn't ask?" Luke's tone makes it quite obvious that this is supposed to be a rhetorical question, but he feels the need to answer and explain anyway.

"It was hard enough to talk her into applying to college at all, I didn't want to bring it up again." No need starting another fight.

"Seems like there is an awful lot of stuff that you guys don't talk about."

Luke looks like he is keeping himself from saying something else. Considering there is apparently nothing he and Luke don't talk about, he suspects the other boy is trying to go for a dramatic break, to make him think about it or something like that. It works.

They drive in silence for a few minutes. This time, Luke is the one to break it.

"So, since the "protect the friendship" excuse doesn't work, do you have any other bogus reasons not to break it of? Because obviously, the reason isn't that you are so incredibly happy with Marissa."

"Jul… Mrs. Cooper is Marissa's mom, and she is Kirsten's best friend."

"Still? After that shit she tried to pull on you?" Luke seems genuinely shocked. He's the first.

"You saw her at the party last night, what did you think why she was there? And they were friends long before I came to Newport."

He wishes he could give Luke a better reason, but so far he hasn't been able to come up with anything. He'd never ask the Cohens to give up on their friends for him, but he still would have liked to see some kind of reaction from his foster mother. Even if it was just to show him she cared. Still, whom the Cohens decided to be friends with wasn't any of his business, even if that woman didn't deserve them. Neither did he, and they stuck with him anyway.

Luke, who doesn't seem to want him to get lost in thought again, forces his mind back to their conversation. "Doesn't matter. They were friends when you two broke up for the first time, too. You're still making up excuses. What the hell are you scared off? This is about the whole "needing things to work out" – thing again, isn't it?"

Mainly. He isn't making up excuses, the realization that his decisions affect everyone around him is something he has been trying to get a handle on since he came to Newport, a result of the fact that this place is a bubble and everyone is either friends or related (or both). Always being a little worried about the consequences his actions and decisions might have on everyone followed that assessment pretty much automatically, but Luke is right. He still isn't willing to give up, not so much on Marissa as on what she represents: his new life, in a new city, with new friends and, for the first time, a girlfriend. It's what she has been since he first met her in front of the Cohens´s house, when she seemed flawless, as unattainable as the life his lawyer was showing him. He should have known better than to believe in the front she put up, and the disillusion had followed pretty quickly, the moment he found her lying on the ground, unconscious with to much alcohol. Still, being with Marissa had somehow become a synonym for making it in Newport, and the need to prove to himself that he could make it had been overwhelming. It still is, sometimes. He gave up his life here once and he's not sure he can do it again. If he wants to end things with Marissa, he will have to find a way to separate her from Newport in his mind.

Luke apparently thinks he has been staring out of the window long enough; he coughs in way that is so obviously fake, he has to fight back a grin. Then he remembers that Luke isn't Marissa, and he stops trying.

"I don't wanna burst your bubble, man, but honestly, no matter what "the Valley" is trying to make us all believe, I'm pretty sure that most people are not meant to be with their first boyfriend or girlfriend. As far as I can see, breaking up is more the rule than the exception. So, you know, just because it doesn't work with Marissa, doesn't mean it won't work with someone else."

Only because it doesn't work out with Marissa, doesn't mean it won't work out in Newport.

"Luke, man, you watch "The Valley"?"

There really isn't anything else he can say. Luke is right, and they both know it.

"Dude, we had a fun day. Don't ruin it by forcing me to hurt you."

He doesn't say anything, just smirks as the other boy fixes his eyes on the road again.

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He steps under the stream of hot water, enjoying the way it soothes his tense muscles and washes off the cold sweat. The Cohens still aren't at home, so luckily no one reamed him out about running around in wet clothes on the first of January. Tomorrow, when they go to play again, he will definitely have to remember bringing a change of clothes.

Tonight, he'll have to call Marissa, ask her to meet for a talk. He'll probably have to talk her out of whatever activity she has already planned with Johnny. That won't make the conversation any easier.

If he explains that he's breaking up with her because of Luke, she might misunderstand it.

The End


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